Is it normal to miss your booty call?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
