Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
he puts the penis in happiness.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
