We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
