i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
