Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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