i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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