Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
