one two three fourrrrnication!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
