I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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