That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
