i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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