help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Couch. On fire.
false alarm, still single
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
