I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
