I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Randomize
