Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Michael Bay diarrhea
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
