woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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