I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
