Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
