So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
