Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
