Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
