So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
