apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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