It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
