i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
is this the sara with the beer cane?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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