just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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