since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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