Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
