Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
