I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
