dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
