I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
