I'm lost and stupid without you.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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