I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
