He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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