apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
