Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
