Fuck appropriateness.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
