Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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