I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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