I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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