no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
This is not my ceiling
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
