Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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