is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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