If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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