WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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