I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
the liver wants what the liver wants
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
