I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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