So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
