plz talk dirty to me
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
