An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
As shirtless as possible
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
