his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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